TF5: Five Metal Album Covers to Make You Cringe


In today’s edition of The Friday 5, we thought it’d be both fun and traumatizing to pay homage to five, absolutely awful metal album covers.

For the purpose of full disclosure, we do not own any of these albums and our list is purely made up of what we found through a Google image search. Please understand: that was tough enough to handle.

We sifted through the big hair, tight pants, glazed pecks, bizarre satanic imagery and mascara to bring you these beauties.

Manowar: Anthology

In all honesty, this list could’ve featured just Manowar albums. But, we opted to focus on this greased-up, Tarzan jungle warrior photo that must’ve been taken in the dank basement of a porcelain factory. If we didn’t know any better, we’d swear this was a promotional photo for a mall wrestling team.


Pantera: Metal Magic

Thank God Pantera’s music eventually became iconic enough to almost wipe away the memory of the artwork found upon their debut album, Metal Magic. Seriously, what the fuck is happening here?


Helloween: Pink Bubbles Go Ape

While the album title is strange enough, Helloween still decided to present audiences with a woman longing for a fish. Is she in love with the fish? Is she about to swallow the fish? And, who the hell is that creepy guy in the distance? Did he provide the fish? Or has he been left for the fish?

Boned: Up at the Crack

Well, it appears as if Boned really tried hard here to provide a logo for the ‘cock rock’ appreciators out there. This obvious play on AC/DC artwork is good for a laugh, until you think about what it’d be like to be penetrated by a guitar. Ouch.


The Handsome Beasts: Beastiality

One thing: is this hefty fella even wearing pants? Yikes.


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