Riff Rant: Punk Starter Kit for Sale. Really? Really.


Well, this should do nothing but further enrage the punk rockers that often preach the ethos of their musical genre and lifestyle of PunkStarterKitchoice. Someone by the name of HeineBorel has taken to Etsy, an online marketplace, to sell what’s seriously being called the Punk Starter Kit.

Reads the listing: “Did you recently see some punks at the mall, thought they looked sick and want to join the freak show? Well now you can with the kit that has everything you need for the other punks to stop calling you a poser.”

Yes, because purchasing something called a Punk Starter Kit will totally stop people from calling you a poser. [Insert sarcastic tone and forehead smack right here]

For a little over $93 Canadian, you can pretend to stylistically join forces with the likes of every legitimate punk rock band, or fan, out there that built their look the old fashioned way: by instinctively mashing cool shit together.

More specifically, the kit includes:

-Bootstrap studded with small (your’re just starting out) 77 cone studs
-Bondage belt
-Studded bracelet with bondage wring
-Studded wristband
-Totalitar and Varukers patches
-Mystery goody!

Oh, and if those items don’t totally solidify your punkness, also included is a “list of cool bands to listen to.”

I’d like to see that list. I’d like to see which bands this poor, misinformed soul thinks can successfully lead a person toward much-desired punk-rock cred.

Finally, what if you happen to already be a punk and still want this kit?

“Already punk? Asks the listing. “Look no further and buy this to add a little zing to your existing punk flare!”

Problem solved.

Act now, as only one Punk Starter Kit is available.

Boy, do I need some Rancid right about now.

-Adam Grant

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